i’d like to start this post with a warning. personally, i’m not a big fan of public displays of affection. i find them gross. however, the girl that i’ve chosen to date enjoys that sort of thing. so, this is one of those posts. don’t read the rest if you don’t want to. i’ll understand. 

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it’s been almost three years since i’ve been single. i mean that in the least braggy way possible. when i look back at my singleness i’m reminded of the fun of making lists. 

i love lists. i don’t know why. i love to make lists for everything in my life.

during my time as a single man i made THE list. you know the one. the list of qualities that my future girlfriend was to have. there were many variations of this list, but overall the themes felt the same. it went something like…

1. jesus time. equally yoked with a fellow believer. non-negotiable.
2. music. she had be to well versed everything from the strokes to tupac to the beatles.
3. food. she had to love and appreciate good food. 
4. opinionated. i always envisioned the two of us sipping coffee in a cafe talking about politics, religion, books, etc. kind of pretentiously in an ironic kind of way.
5. articulate. she would be well spoken and eloquent.
6. funny (mean-funny). we would be able to sit back and make fun of the world together.
7. sarcastic. it was my first language. it should be hers too.

there were other things, but these were the most important. i was excited and waited anxiously for God to bring my dream girl into my life.

i had began pouring myself into a new way of life and ministry began taking up a lot of my time. i was always trying to busy myself and not get too sad about not having a girlfriend anymore.

i had a “whenever God decides to have her walk into my life” kind of attitude. i wasn’t actively looking, but i was open to the idea of dating.

then she walked in.

when it came to physical appearance i didn’t have many requirements. they were all summed up from the shoulder up. long, straight, and dark hair with bangs covering one eye. God had brought her to a youth camp i was serving as a cabin leader at. 

time went on and we began getting to know each other more and more. i was falling hard and fast. through a lot of prayer and God’s opening of doors we finally were dating. 

it wasn’t until a few months in that i began realizing what had happened. 

God had brought me a girl that met virtually none of my expectations. she was a strong and devoted follower of Jesus Christ and that was it. christina’s extreme lack of musical experience left me introducing her to various bands and genres that she had never even heard about. while she loved good food, there was no innate need to adventure into the vast unknown of the culinary world. she had virtually no opinions on any of the things we could’ve talked about at a coffeehouse. she misspoke more often than not and didn’t get half of the jokes that i made. when i spoke in a sarcastic tone it was taken as fact. 

it was like God took our common bond in following after Him and said, “all right, that looks good to me.” 

we were left with nothing in common other than a japanese american heritage and the bible. 

throughout all of this that’s one of the biggest things God has taught me. i didn’t need any other common bond with christina. so what if she didn’t know any kanye west songs by heart or was able to have in depth discussions on the meanings of movies or tv shows. it was okay that she had never heard of 99% of the things that i care about in this world, because, as cliche as it sounds, when we have Jesus what else do we need?

it wasn’t about what i wanted. it was about what i needed. 

what i needed was a girl who was organized and could help me figure out what a planner/calendar is used for. i needed a girl who would patiently listen to me ramble on and on about nothing. i needed someone who could teach me to love people. i needed someone who could show me how to genuinely care for a stranger. i needed someone to love God first and me after. 

God had what i needed in mind more than all my wants. 

so, when i have to talk to my son (God willing) and tell him about what to look for in a girl, i’ll say, “Spider-Man, God’s got you covered. seek Him and the rest will fall into place.”